our secret oasis
by tiggerz.1
Summary: what do you do when you find out your mother lied all those years about who your father was? Her life spirals when her mother passed running to drugs and meaningless life&envy until 2 sons come breaking down the door, will she be able to pull herself up from the ground she currently resides on who against all odds pull her from her darkness and battles to keep her safe by his side?
1. This Is Just The Beginning

{i do not own the sons of anarchy i only own my characters and anything you do not recognize}

It's not easy being Clay Morrow daughter especially when neither of us were aware of this. I only found out due to my meeting with the infamous Happy. When I was born my dad was never around my mother always told me he had an important job he had to attend to and was killed in that job. Little did I know at the time it was a lie. My mother had a terminal cancer that was slowly killing her weakening her. When I was twelve she got it so bad we had to move from our small farm to Tacoma where she could barely get out of her bed so my auntie had to take care of her. She only lasted another three years before I woke up to her lifeless body when I tried to crawl into bed with her. It felt like someone pulled my world from me and crumbled it right in front of my eyes and I powerless to stop it. I didn't even feel like I belonged in this world anymore. I got into the wrong crowd and ended up doing a lot of drugs and other things im not proud of. That's when I meet happy. Mike was the local low end drug dealer and he owed thousands of money to the sons and they came to collect.

"I was on the floor just finishing coming off my high and leaning against mike's leg who was sitting in the chair beside me. I observed everything that was going on around me trying to stay awake as much as possible. There was people shooting up in the corner, mikes henchmen selling more crank to other costumers and people having sex in plain sight. That's when the front door burst open and two men walked in both wearing cuts. One had spikey blonde hair and blue eyes and slight build I later found out that his name was Kozik and he was the sergeant at arms for the SAMTAC. And behind him was Happy he was very intimidating being over six feet tall, all his tats and his shaved head but for as intimidating as he is very handsome. Their eyes scanned the room until they fell on mike. Kozik took one look around and jabbed a finger towards the door. "Out."

That's all he had to say and everyone went scrambling for the door. The moment I stood up to do as everyone else was mike grabbed me by the back of the shirt and ripped me back towards him a gun pointed at my temple. "Don't you fucking come a step closer!"

"Both men pulled out the guns immediately and happy didn't take his eyes off me. "You know you don't want to do that. She has nothing to do with this let her go."

"Or what? As long as she is here I'm safe. So come on let be adults about this and put the guns down."

"When they didn't instantly lower their guns he pushed his gun into my temple harder causing me to whimper and I could feel the tears start to leak from my eyes. Kozik lowered his gun then, happy looked extremely pissed that he was being pushed around like that but lowered his gun either way. "Good. Now this is how this is going to go you are going to turn around and walk back out that door and don't come back or clays precious daughter is going to get it understand."

"What did he say? Who was clay? My dad was dead, the men looked just as confused as I was until Kozik gave me a good look over and swore under his breath. "Fuck."

"That's right so come on leave. What ya say killa?" mike taunted, "that is what they call you isn't it?"

"When they didn't immediately go he removed the gun from my head and shot the ceiling above us. I was so shocked I screamed and tried to struggle from his grip. Doing what he did was the biggest mistake he could have made, happy saw his opening and shot mike in the knee cap sending me flying forward into happy's arms and mike to the ground. "Hey? Hey look at me. What's your name?"

"I was about to answer when I heard mike agonizing cries coming from behind me. I looked back and mike was being dragged into one of the bedrooms kicking and flailing by Kozik. I felt a pair of rough hands grab my face and force me to face happy big dark brown eyes staring deep into mine. "You need to answer me."

"I looked back and forth between happy and the bedroom that mike and Kozik were in before I answered him. "Savannah. Savannah Braze."

"Okay savannah mines happy this is what's going to happen. You are going to go home and wait for me. I will come and get you. Do not make me look for you. That's your warning."

"Happy scared me so much all I could do was nod. He looked hesitant to let me go but let me go either way. And I started walking towards the door. The moment I made it outside into that blinding light, I ran. I ran all the way to my aunts, bursting through the door I threw on my shorts and converse shoes with my torn ozzy ozborne shirt with a black tank on underneath and throwing what little clothing I had and some crank I had stashed and ran from my house and headed straight for the highway. Ignoring my aunt's frantic calls after me, all I knew was I needed to get out of there and fast.

~

"I was a few miles from Tacoma by night fall and so far had no luck in finding someone willing to pick me up. I sat on the ground shakily taking a long drag of a smoke and tried to collect my thoughts. That's when I heard it, the sound a bike in the distance. I looked towards the rider and immediately panicked when I noticed it was happy. I shot straight up throwing my smoke away as he realized it was me and started to circle around. In the distance I could see a semi-truck heading my way and I started running towards it waving my hand frantically around trying to get his attention. I was extremely happy when the driver started to slow down and pull off to the side.

"Just as I was getting in the truck, happy grabbed my arm and pulled me back."Hey leave the girl alone." The driver tried to argue with happy but with the look he gave him I knew I wasn't leaving and reluctantly gave my thanks to the driver before stepping out of the truck

"Happy let go of my arm and I looked down at my feet."What are you doing I thought I said I didn't want to look for you. I hate a goose chase."

"Happy eyed me up and down when I didn't immediately give him an answer. What could I say really I had disobeyed him. Happy sighed and a black helmet ended up in my vision. I realized I wasn't getting a choice in the matter and grabbed the helmet and hoped on the back of his bike. "Ever rode?"

""Once. A long time ago. "

"This is one place I never thought I would be the SAMTAC clubhouse. There was a party going on when we got there club members and croweater coming in and out. I started to panic I didn't belong here, and everyone knew it I stuck out like a sore thumb. Happy placed a hand on my shoulder and I instantly calmed down. I gave him a reassuring smile and walked towards the front door. Once we were inside happy placed his hand on the small of my back and pushed me towards the dorm rooms. I felt instantly calm for whatever reason by this small little jester but just brushed it off that was something I couldn't think of at that moment in time, there was much more important things at hand. Just as we were reaching the hallway he stopped briefly to talk to Kozik. "Get the prez for me now. I'll be in the chapel in five"

"Kozik took another swing from his beer before nodding and heading off in a different direction. His dorm room was nothing fancy everything was organized and in its place the odd piece of clothing on the floor but besides that nothing besides a bed and a desk. Once I heard the door close a wave of anxiety washed over me I was now in a secluded bedroom with someone I didn't know and If I scream I'm sure no one would hear me with the party that was going on outside. I felt his eyes on me but as my mind was running a mile a minute he just walked past me to another door that lead to a bathroom. "I've got to go see the prez about our new situation we have here and just a heads up Clay is already on his way with a few others from the charming charter and he will want to see you when he gets here. So have a shower and go to sleep you have a busy day."

"I nodded my head and placed my bag on the bed and turned around to face the man they called killer. He wasn't that intimidating in a sense I felt like he wouldn't hurt me but I didn't have the best intuition as of late. He held out a towel for me and I slowly grabbed it lightly brushing past him to go to the bathroom as he wouldn't move out of the way. I swear I could hear a low growl coming from him but put it off because why would that happen, I'm a no one to him just a small junkie that is in the way and he is stuck babysitting. I think? I pushed the door closed and took of my shirt and sat on the edge of the tub. I turned the taps on and placed my hand under the water. It felt nice almost relaxing.

"That's when it hit me. The need the want that had yet to come. I started to shake slightly and the only thing I could think of was how nice it would be to relax in here away from everything and everyone and just float. I felt the small smile creep on my lips and I got up and opened the door to find happy standing over his bed looking down at something lying in his hands. My gut told me to stay away and go back to the bathroom but the overwhelming need I had overruled this sense and I started to walk towards him. "Sorry I just forgot something in—"I started to speak but stopped.

"What he held in his hand was my stash and the look on his face looked like a cross of anger mixed with confusion. I went in an attempt to grab it but once my hand came into view his face whipped around and stared me down. I have never been so scared in my life but the thing with me is I get a little irrational when it comes to my next high. So I did the stupidest thing I could. I stood up and got right back in his face and yelled, "What? Don't act all high and mighty your part of a mc don't tell me drugs aren't your thing. Now give me what's mine."

"His eyes went darker than they were before if that was even possible and he took one step in front of me then it was like a switch all of a sudden he was on his way to the bathroom. Panic rose in me immediately and I went chasing after him but by the time I had reached the bathroom he had dumped everything down the toilet and crushed and threw out my needles. I was astonished to say the least then it hit me what he did and I was furious. I whipped around so fast I almost lost my footing and went charging towards the bed grabbed my purse and ran towards the door. I was going to get out of there if it was the last thing I did. But I only made it as far as opening the door slightly before it was slammed in my face and happy strong hands roughly turned me around. Before I could even open my mouth to protest his finger shot in front of my face "you're going to listen to me and listen good because I am not going to repeat myself here little girl, you do not need that garbage. And as long as I'm around you will not do it and trust me I'll be around for a long while and even when I'm not around someone else will be. This shit stops right here right now. Do. You. Understand."

"Even though in the back of my mind I had a feeling he wouldn't hurt me but I couldn't chance that? And as mad as it made me I just had to make it one day until I could get out and find someone to sell to me which wouldn't take long. So I lied. He let go of me and shoved me slightly towards the bed. I got the hint and laid down on his bed. "I'm going to go talk to someone so stay put I won't be long."

"And with the click of the lock he was gone. I had a million thoughts swarming my head but eventually sleep overcame me and I passed out.

_I could feel the killer lurking in my mind. I was trying to keep it at bay while I was with her. I don't know what it was about her but I had the overwhelming feeling to protect her and get her away from that god forsaken drug. It never did anyone any good, after all he should know. That drug it enraged him especially when he saw her with that low life why she was with him made sense know but she shouldn't be in this life she shouldn't be doing that and it just enraged him even more that she was mad at him for doing her a favor. After I got out of the hall I was immediately swarmed by four croweaters and as much as I needed a good stress relief I was on a mission and had to get back to her before she ran again. I don't think I could keep calm if she defied me once again tonight emotions were running high and I did not deal with emotion. I shoved the crows away and walked to the chapel where I knew the prez was waiting for me. Arrangements had to be made. I closed the door behind me and sat at the table the prez was the first to talk. "How is she?"_

_"Pissed and I'm sure confused but it's taking care of."_

_He gave me a look that asked if he should ask and I just shook my head that told him to drop it. "Well either way she is here now. I just got off the phone with clay. Him, Jax, Chibs and Tig are all on their way here. He doesn't sound impressed but they will figure something out. It's his drama hap and it's going to stay that way when he gets here she is his responsibility and choice and it's going to be left at that understood?'_

_I clenched my jaw because we both knew how clay was especially toward the women of his life otherwise I wouldn't be getting this so called warning. The thing was I don't think I could just leave her in his hands that just felt irresponsible. But when did she become his responsibility maybe it was the way she looked stranded, scared and alone that was hitting him at home. Either way I nodded my head letting him know I understood and walked out and back towards the dorms. As I passed by koz I noticed the bottle of jack beside him and swiped it and kept going. Koz started to argue with me but the look I shot him shut him up and that was that. I wonder if she is still awake. Or maybe she ran or was waiting to bail when he came back?_

_When I unlocked the door and stepped back in she was curled into the corner of my bed and as I walked closer to her I noticed her even breathing, she was sleeping. I sat on my bed how odd it was for someone other than him to be sleeping in his bed but it felt right. I pulled from the Daniels and figured if I had to stay shut up in the room the least I could do was drink. It was going to be one hell of a long night but it was going to rougher in the morning for her at least._


	2. one hell of a ride

{I do not own the sons of anarchy only my character and anything you don't recognize. please comment, rate and follow and thanks to all who have its great motivation to update more often :)}

_She rolled around my bed to face me still sound asleep from what I could tell. As tired as I am I am not comfortable sleeping in bed with a girl. I don't sleep with girls I fuck em and toss em. That's my reputation and I'm not about to ruin it. When she faced me though she had a piece of her hair in the corner of her mouth. I took another pull from the bottle trying not to focus on her lips the way they slightly shone in the dark like it was calling me to her. Before I could stop myself I reached over and brushed the strand from her face. That was my mistake the moment the hair pulled from her lips her eyes fluttered open and I felt like a deer caught in headlights like it should matter to me what do I have to be caught doing wrong. I could do whatever I liked so I did what I did best put on the emotionless face that said I didn't care leaned back in the chair taking another pull from the bottle._

I felt something pulling at my mouth and when I opened my eyes what startled me was that happy was inches from my face his hand lingering just inches from my cheek. But just as quickly as it happened was just as quick as he pulled away. I figured that was what he was good at. I sat up slightly as the need to throw up hit me hard and I bailed to the bathroom barely making it to the toilet before I emptied out my already empty stomach. When I felt that I was good enough to leave the toilet I staggered back to the bedroom gripping the doorway when happy spoke "you done? Cuz next time close the door I don't need to hear that shit this early in the morning."

I walked into the bedroom and grabbed the bottle of jack he had in his hands and before he could protest and took a big gulp and didn't stop until the burning in my throat was unbearable. He was standing over glaring like I had just robbed him off his last meal but giving how crappy I was feeling he could live. I shoved the bottle back into his chest and pushed past him to the bed. I could hear just the faintest growl come from him but he didn't say anything just slumped back into his chair. "What time is it anyways?"

"Six"

I groaned. "and clay should be here within the hour actually so get up and make yourself presentable you look like shit I'll go get you something to eat before he gets here you're in for one hell of a ride girl."

That's right today I was supposed to meet my father. I could feel my stomach twisting inside out but I wasn't sure if it was because of withdrawal I knew I was having or the fact of meeting my father the one I thought I never had. "I'm not hungry for one and I do have a name so why don't you call me by my name or shall I address you as killer. I can only think of one reason why your called that." I told him getting up off the bed and heading to the bathroom but on my way past him I leaned over in front of his face and in passing asked. "So what would you rather me call you huh _boy?_"

I knew it was a mistake the moment the words left my mouth but I couldn't back down in front of someone like happy so I walked away towards the bathroom. I made it to the wall before I was grabbed and ripped around to face him, he pushed me against the wall one hand on my hip pulling me hard against him and his other hand slammed beside my head blocking any escape I could have had. He moved his face right against mine nose to nose and I could tell by his eyes that he was battling something inside him. "What did you call me? Listen _girl _no one talks to me that way and I mean no one. I am called killer for a reason but I'm also called happy and you at the moment do not deserve to address me as either when you talk to me you will address me as sir. When you talk to me you talk to me with respect that _I _deserve. You are just a junkie that deserves nothing but the misery you bring upon yourself. Your happy to see your dad well I wouldn't be so happy he isn't you're going to be a constant mis-"

"HAPPY! Man real it in." Someone grabbed happy's shoulder pulling him away from me, it was Kozik.

Happy looked even more angry that someone had stopped him and that's when we noticed the audience we had which consisted of Kozik, a man with blue eyes and slicked back blonde hair and another guy with grey looking hair and a scarred face. "Hap look what you're doing to her?" he motioned to me

As happy looked at me I could see the realization dawn on him and then I realized how bad his words hurt me as I could taste the salty tears on my face. Happy stormed out of there mumbling something about clay and everyone watched as he left. "Okay well savannah your dads her and the two men behind me are his step son Jax and fellow patch member chibbs. We are going to have church before you meet your dad so go get ready ill have the prospect bring in some food for you to eat before you meet him and then I will come get you and bring you to him at first it will probably just be the two of you do you understand?"

I nodded my head I felt numb everything was happening to fast and my body was moving before my brain could catch up. Before I knew it I had had a shower got changed into a pair of red torn skinnies, a peach cami and black high heal open toes shoes pulled my hair up with a few strands falling around my face including my bangs and was now sitting in front of a burger and fries trying to choke it down without throwing up when I could hear my phone going off in my bag. I slide from the bed and over to my bag which had at one point moved to the floor. I sat cross legged on the floor pulling out my phone to find meaningless texts except for one. My dealer. He said he was good to go and wanted to know how much to put aside for me. And as scared as I could be of happy and I knew if I was caught how furious he would be I needed it just one last time and I wanted to piss him off after he humiliated me. I sent him a quick text letting him know to meet me in our usual spot in an hour and I expected full amount as normal. Just as I sent the text Kozik walked in looking at me on the floor then up at the food. "Not hungry?"

"Thanks for stating the obvious." I replied shoving my phone back in my bag

He rolled his eyes but held his hand out to me. "Come on clay is waiting and he isn't a very patient man."

I hesitated but took his hand slinging my bag over my shoulder and following him out. I got a lot of looks as we came around the corner of the hallway but Kozik didn't waste time showing me where this meeting was supposed to take place I walked into a big room with a table in the center and a man sitting in one of the chairs. He looked old and his cold grey eyes didn't seem very welcoming if this was my father I wasn't sure I wanted to know him. He gave one look at Kozik and he nodded his head leaving the room closing the door behind him. I looked at the man in front of me and he motioned for me to take a seat. Once I did it took him a few moments of what seemed like analyzing me before speaking. "Well there is no doubt that you're my daughter but you definitely look more like your mother."

"So you know my mother?"

"Yes…I do before I meet Gemma she was the woman I thought I would be with but she couldn't accept me and my life. What I didn't know was that she had a kid after I left. That is what surprised me."

I kept quite not sure what to say. "I talked to my wife about it and I thought about it discussed it with the club here and back home, you will come home and live with me and Gemma. Learn the life as from what I understand you're up to no good here and that's going to change and it's going to change fast. Gemma will be up here in a week to collect you and your belongings and I will be keeping Happy babysitting you as I can't be here to do so nor do I have the time back home. Is that understood?"

Man did everyone have to talk to her like a child. But she resisted the urge to roll her eyes because this did not seem like the man to piss off or test his patience. So I just nodded my head. When he stood up and walked towards me I stood up with him and meet him the rest of the way. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder turning me towards the door. "You can call me clay if it's too early for dad what's my beautiful daughter's name?"

"Savannah."

He nodded his head and we stepped out of the room meeting everyone's eyes who then broke out into cheers and laughter. The moment I was done meeting everyone there I took my chance as I didn't see happy anywhere and went to my meeting spot.


	3. I promise I'm done

{Hey everyone sorry it's taken me a bit to update I had a lot going on. As I was going through all the fan fictions I am currently writing I have come up with a new way to update so as to keep the readers I have and update faster. I will update more often because of the more reviews I have whether it is just to request the updates or anything else or by how many people favorite or follow. So in other words the more people to review, favorite or follow will get me to update faster. I won't be giving up on this story if this doesn't happen I just won't be updating as often. I don't see that being an issue though as I see how many people do all the above and more it makes me really happy to see that so I hope this chapter is great. As for my reviews I do like good and bad reviews as I think it makes my writing better so I apologize to mandy-chick00 I didn't realize it wasn't capitalizing the names and I have gone back and fixed that my grammar on the other hand I do my best with so sorry to anyone who I lose because of it I try to fix it, my beta sucks and this isn't my personal computer so I can't download a better one. As for the guest who commented, I didn't realize that when I uploaded it that it had placed the quotations in front of my paragraph, I do not write like that as my previous chapters did not contain that nor do my other fan fictions I write, if something like that happens and I haven't caught it in time please just let me know and I will fix it. As I said earlier I do love critism but I do not like the put downs so if you're going to talk to me that please don't review. And to the guest, Emmettluver2010 and thank you for your positive impute it made me very motivated to give this chapter and make it as long as I have, I'm glad you like it and anyone else who likes it as well thank you very very much. So remember to review, follow or favorite for me to update faster, I appreciate it all thank you. I do not own the sons of anarchy only my character and anything you do not recognize.}

_I was looking over at my bathroom door thinking about the scene that unfolded not even an hour ago between me and Savannah. I am hoping that she doesn't start that shit up again I almost lost it today, I could never hurt a woman but that's me and when the killer comes out and I lose complete control I don't know what would happen and I didn't need that shit. It's a good thing Clay is here for her then I won't need to deal with her. I can tell Clay or Jax about her drug habit and they can deal with her. No…I couldn't do that I know what Clay would do but maybe it was for the better. I rubbed my hand over my face in frustration and reached out for my smokes. I don't know why she was bothering me so much. But no one talks to me that way ever, the only person to get away with that is ma and she isn't her. It took everything I had to bring in the killer inside me earlier. The moment she left the room with Kozik I took the opportunity to go into my room with the first sweet butt that came close to me. I lite up my smoke and waited for her to get out of the bathroom and do the same thing they all try to do. She strode out of the bathroom towards my bed and as she reached me she tried to lean onto the bed, sliding her hand up my chest. Before she got completely laid down, I turned to face her, glaring her down and barked, "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get outta here."_

_She smacked my chest calling me a jerk before she pushed herself up out of the bed grabbing her clothes and left. Might as well go check on the troublemaker see how she is making out. I reached over and stubbed out my smoke then got dressed and headed for the door. I was locking my door when I heard Jax yell at me down the hall. "Hey man have you seen Savannah? Clay is looking for her, Ma is on the phone and wants to talk to her bout next week?"_

_I perked my head up at this, she should be out there with everyone. I walked down the hallway pushing myself past Jax to see a full on party going on but no sign of her. There was only one thing she could be doing and I was stupid enough not to watch her. I should've known she would take the first opportunity she could. "Fuck!" I muttered to no one in particular and stomped my way outside running into Koz as I reached the door._

_I grabbed him by his shirt and pinned him to the wall outside. "Where is she!"_

_"Whoa man who?"_

_"Savannah!"_

_"I don't know last time I saw her was half an hour ago when she left church with Clay. She was in here about twenty minutes ago and I watched her go outside. She took out a smoke I just figured she was going out for a smoke? Is she missing?"_

_I shoved him away from me. I was so stupid to think that she could be left alone for two minutes. I hopped on my bike hoping that I would catch her before she got to her next fix._

I loved this spot, on the bridge above the river. It is deadly quite out here and you were just far enough that you were just outside of the town to your right and to the left was a small forest. Most people you saw out here were biking or running so there wasn't too many people around. I always came here to clear my mind and after today I needed it. _Ring Ring_ my phone started going off in my pocket and I looked down at it, it was Happy. I pushed the end button and turned it on silent. I hopped onto the wall of the bridge and dangled my feet over the water and continued to watch the water "hey beautiful." Someone called beside me, it was Tyler

Tyler was someone I had known for years. Way before I knew Mike or anyone else or did anything else. He was the stoner in high school, he has short hair that he normally has in a faux hawk and grey eyes and tattoos everywhere. Being a drug dealer was a side hobby for him, he was a tattoo artist and besides doing my own tattoos he was starting to teach me in his spare time. He was like a brother to me and I knew I could trust him. "Hey yourself."

He came up and hugged me from behind and bent down to my purse slipping the drugs in and the cash out before he stood up and eyed me warily. "I heard some shit went down between SAMTAC and Mike. Were you there?"

"Yes I was and I found something out, "I took a deep breathe because I knew the moment I said it out loud I was admitting that it was true, "the president of SAMCRO in Charming is my dad."

"What? I thought-"

"Yeah I know, that's what I thought. My mom lied to me and now as of next week I won't be here anymore."

"Really? I'll miss you and so will the others you know that?"

I nodded my head and looked down at the water, trying not to let my distress show. I felt his hands on my hips as he pushed me around and pulled me off the wall to hug me tight. He whispered in my ear, his face in my hair, "I'm sorry I know you don't have a choice. How about we head back to my place we can hang out there, party for one more time have some fun? I'm just parked over there."

I looked over at his 1992 Nissan gtr that he got from his dad a year ago. I took my phone out and looked down to see I had four missed calls from Happy and about a dozen messages that said something along the lines of where the fuck was I? He better not catch me with or doing drugs? Excreta excreta…that just infuriated me more. He wasn't anyone important in my life so who the hell was he to think he had the right to barge into my life and control it. But oddly enough it still felt wrong to do this to him. As I was looking at the phone I saw him call again and after I forwarded him to voice mail, he finally left one. I grabbed my bag from the ground and said, "Yeah why the hell not, have some good old fun with the group one last time. I just gotta get this and I'll be there."

He nodded his head and I started to listen to his voice mail. "I don't know where you are or what the fuck you think you are doing but when I find you you better have a god damn good reason for disappearing. Everyone is wondering where you are so get the fuck back here, Tacoma is not that big little girl and neither are the place you would go hang out so If your hiding I would hide far away because I will find you. Then you can tell Clay yourself why you're not here and why I have been looking for you all night. Answer me now and I'll forget this happened. Call me."

Not only did Happy sound one hundred percent pissed he actually managed to scare me over the phone. I looked back at Justin who was waiting impatiently at the car and then back at my phone. "You know what, I'm sorry I forgot I had somewhere to be, I'm supposed to be back at with Clay and I should go back."

"Want a ride?"

"No I have someone coming to get me. Thank you for coming out here though. I will talk to you before I leave I'm sorry."

"No worries I understand have a good one beautiful."

I walked back to the wall and leaned up against it and took a deep breath before I called him. I heard him growl from the other line when he picked up "Where. Are. You."

"The bridge just outside of town."

"Five minutes." Then he hung up.

As I was waiting for him I took out the needles and drugs I had just bought and place it all on the wall. I leaned back and lite up a smoke as I waited for him. I could hear the roar of his bike from miles away and I watched him park it, putting out my smoke. I could see how much I truly had pissed him off and I swear I could see a glimmer of worry in his eyes but I was more scared at the moment then willing to find out if that was true. I debated about running but I needed to do this now or he wouldn't understand. I wasn't sure why it was important that he knew but it was. As he got off his bike he stomped over to me and as he got closer his eyes traveled to the drugs on the wall. I could see the flare from this morning come back something in him was changing. He picked up a bag and threw it at my chest and pointed at the rest, "what the hell did I tell you about this shit huh? What did I say would happen if you touched this again? This is why you left? To get your next fix I thought you could be better than that! But I was wrong you are a no good fucking junkie that deserves to have been left in that disease infested house I found you in. We're going back and you're going to tell Clay everything so that I don't have to deal with your childish behavior anymore. Your mother must be so fucking ashamed because I don't even know you and I'm ashamed to have your name attached to the club."

I could feel the anger rising in me with every word he spat at me, but I choked down the outburst that was threatening to come out, I felt the tears fall at his last couple sentences but I wiped them with my hand and pushed the drugs and needles off the bridge. He looked at me shocked, like he expected something else to happen and I bent down and grabbed the bag he threw at me and opened it. I started at it for a moment, I wanted it sure, and I was addicted of course it ate at me to do this. But he was right I am ashamed and my mother probably is rolling around in her grave at everything I've done since she passed. I couldn't be doing this anymore, so I dumped the bag. I bent over and grabbed my bag and looked at him. His anger turned into confusion and I finally spoke up, "I'm sorry. This is my first step to quitting and I will quit and within the next couple days it going to get bad but I'm going to get through it, whether you help me or not. I'm done. I wanted you to be here when I made this first step. And for your information I haven't talked to my mother in two years, she died. Now could you take me back to the clubhouse I am feeling rather tired and I don't want to be outside anymore."

I didn't wait for his reply I just walked past him to go to the bike. He grabbed my wrist as I passed him and said, "Listen-"

"No, just take me back please. I'm fine, "I looked back at him and sarcastically added, "_Sir."_

He looked astonished but let go and walked back to the bike with me. My wrist was burning from where he held it, not a hurtful one but a good one. It was going to be a long ride back and an even longer ride throughout the week. When we got back I was harassed by the members on where we had disappeared to but I lied and said I needed some girl products and food and left to go to bed. Happy started to follow me but when I looked back at him, he knew that he wasn't welcome and had to leave me alone.


	4. Bonding and Truths Reviled

Hey guys now that I have given everyone fair warning on all stories I will now be putting how soon I update into effect. As well just a heads up within this month and maybe extending into next month I have had 3 requests for a certain story. I will only be taking on these three as a favor and I probably won't be taking on anymore request for a few months so that I'm not becoming overwhelmed feel free to request what you would like and when I can get to them I will create them. But there will be one on Juice, another one on Jax(not a Mary sue as requested) and another one on our favorite Mr. happy Lowman. With Happy though I'm not sure on how to take it so when it comes out I would love reviews so I know if I'm taking it in the right direction, it's going to be one that you don't see often. And I would love to thank the six people in one day who followed my story and the fact that 1 223 people have read this has been a big inspiration so please keep it up. Remember to favorite, follow and review for more frequent updates. I don't own the sons of anarchy only my character and anything you do not recognize.}

It had been a few hours since I locked myself up in the room but I could already feel my body reacting to the withdrawal. I knew I wanted to commit to this, to prove to myself I was better but it was getting bad. Just as the thought ran through my brain, the urge to throw up came and I ran to the bathroom barely making it to the toilet before I threw up. After a while of hugging the toilet a knock came from the door. At first I thought it was Happy but he has the keys so he would've just come in. So I stumble to the door and opened it slightly to see the tall blonde from before standing, hands in his pockets looking slightly nervous. He shifts on his feet before I asked, "Do you want to come in?"

He looks behind him at the party but nods and I let him in. I watch him pace slightly around the room and I started to get irritated, "Jax right?"

He looked up startled at me and flashed me a smile, "Yeah sorry about coming in here late, I just want to talk to you for a second."

I sat on the bed, cross-legged and patted the spot beside me. "Koz told me about how they found you…where they found you…"

He seemed a little uncomfortable but from what I heard I thought he was supposed to be the most charming person of the charter. I laughed under my breathe, but looked him in the eyes and said, "You don't have to push yourself you know, yes that's where they found me and yes I was there for that reason but that was the last time I touched it…I had some when I got here and Mr. fucking grumpy took it away and then what I tried to get today I dumped so if you're asking me if I'm done well I am."

He looked me up and down for a few minutes before he said, "You know I have a son, "I raised my eyebrows at him, he looked way too young to be a dad but who was I to judge, "Yes I do his name is Abel and he was just born a few months ago. His mom was a junkie, she couldn't stay away from crank long enough to have our baby, and she ended up putting his life at risk you know."

I raised my eyebrows at him again, I couldn't understand people like that yeah I liked my high as much as the next person but when it came to having a baby even I wasn't dumb enough to do that especially with a members baby. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah he is in the hospital being looked after, but it wasn't like that at first. I didn't know for a while there if he was going to pull through."

"Can I meet him, I've always loved babies, unless I'm imposing too much?"

"How about I make a deal with you okay?"

"And what's this deal?"

"Well I'm sure you don't understand how our world works quite yet but this can't be happening when you come to Charming, it aint going to fly. So since you're supposed to be my baby sister and all now, if you get clean and me along with whoever else wants to help, helps you get there, I'll introduce you to my son. He needs another female in his life besides my ma, trust me."

I couldn't help but smile at that, it made me want to pull through this even more. Jax slapped his hand down on my knee and stated, "I'll take that as a yes then?"

I nodded my head but, then his face turned serious once again, "What I walked in on earlier between you and Hap?"  
"Don't worry about that I can handle myself."  
"I don't doubt that from what I saw today but, Hap isn't someone to toy with darling. Just be careful, your family now no matter how you got there or what you have done, your still family."

"Trust me Killer and me got nothing going on anymore…not after today."

"Okay well I am here if you need to talk or whatever, you won't know many people in Charming so I'll watch over you for a bit to start at least."

He got up from the bed to leave and I couldn't help but grab onto his wrist. He was the first person since all this started happening that was nice enough to not only come and talk to me but also to worry. That was something I hadn't experienced with anyone else in a long time, not since mom died. I could feel the tears prick my eyes and I looked up at Jax. "I'm s-scared." I stuttered

He grabbed onto my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Don't be, I'm staying for a little bit longer than everyone else. If you want I can move you to the room I'm staying in tomorrow and I'll watch over you, they always say the first twenty-four hours is the worst of them all. Then as long as you get through it and you feel good we will go celebrate and if you need to talk we can?"

He was right I was already starting to sweat and shake, it was just going to get worse as my day progressed and to have someone(even for how little I know him) to care enough to watch over made it seem like it was going to go better. And as much as I believe nothing would happen under Happy watch well, I just couldn't count on that, not after what he said to me today. Jax let go of my hand and once he had the door open I spoke up once more. "Jax?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened to her? The mother of Abel?"  
"She isn't here anymore, she was more or less banished from the family and Charming."

With that he left to join the party…I couldn't help but wonder if I don't get off this, will I turn out the same way as her? I wouldn't doubt it. From the little I know about the club, there what holds everyone together and rather the queen is the expectation level for the women who are something to the club, not croweaters or hang around. You can't be better than her but you're expected to be up to her expectations and the clubs. You have to have respect for yourself, a croweater doesn't. I could feel my eyes growing heavy as I sat up thinking about what Jax had said and before long the noises beyond the door grew distant as I feel into a deep sleep.

I felt the bed sink underneath someone weight and after sometime someone started poking at my shoulder. I didn't want to wake up I felt like my body was lead, it took so much effort just to open my eyes to find Happy sitting there looking completely uncomfortable. "Get up. Your dads leaving and you going to have to see him off. You have a half an hour lets go."

He didn't give me the chance to reply he just got up and left. I didn't want to get up all I wanted to do was sleep, my body felt completely drained out but, I should say goodbye to Clay, it's the nice thing to do I guess. So I grudgingly swung my feet over the bed and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, my hair looked all strung out, my face is so pale and my eyes are bloodshot and my lips all chapped and peeling. It looked as if I hadn't slept in weeks. I used to be so beautiful but, throughout the years I not only got uglier and uglier on the outside but I became just as bad on the inside. The girl that my mom knew, the one who always had a glow about her and a smile on her face, not fake but a real one, was no longer here. As I stared at myself completely depressed my stomach let out the worst growl I had heard in a while. I realized then how hungry I was so, I figured I would head to the kitchen and eat before I headed outside to see them. I threw my hoodie on and walked out of the room.

There was nobody around in the front room when I got there so I went around and started to go into the kitchen. When I was just reaching the doorway I heard Clay say, "she is doing what?!"

I could hear the anger radiating from his voice. So I choose to walk away but before I could step away I heard Happy speak up next, "Sorry Clay I thought I would let you know just in case it gets out of control. When we said she was getting into trouble here it was a little more than that…we found her with Mike."

Are they talking about me? I pressed my back up against the wall as I listened in. "I can't believe this! What does she not have someone here that was watching her! Why was I not told about this sooner?"

"I don't think prez told you because he wanted you to come and meet her first. She did say she was planning on quitting but I'm thinking someone should keep their eye on her until we know for sure."

He seemed to ponder over this for a minute, "Fine. I'll put Juice on it, I'll get him up here for tomorrow."

"If you wouldn't mind…I can keep watching her maybe come down there with Gem? I have no jobs up here and I'm looking for something to do the girl isn't that much trouble. Besides Jax will be here I'm sure he can help if she gets out of hand again."

"Okay if that's what you want. I knew her mom, for as beautiful and stubborn as she was I know why she kept her from me but, I can't imagine what she would think if she saw her daughter now. I have only known her for a short period and I'm already ashamed."

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, the salty taste leaking into my lips. I hung my head, they were right to be angry and ashamed, I certainly am. But I did it to get away for everything from the pain, I didn't have a family or someone to confide in or run to, I lost mine and she was my everything. I could hear the roar of the bikes signally that everyone was ready to go. I could see through the open door that Jax to was sitting on his bike but, it wasn't turned on he was just leaning against it having a smoke. "What are you doing girl?"

I looked up to see Happy staring at me curiously. Then it seemed to dawn on him that I had been there the whole time. My anger flared when I saw him. How dare he judge me, he had no right. To say what he did to Clay, why couldn't he just leave it alone our relationship was already off to a rocky start and this just tipped the boat. I could understand why he was concerned after what I did but I dumped it all in front of him. I was seeing this through, why couldn't he see that? I don't understand why it is so important that he understands me and what I'm trying to do. Why I'm kind of pushing for his approval but, it didn't matter right now. What did matter was how betrayed I had felt. I looked back at Jax who was staring curiously at us now. I felt Happy's hand grab onto my arm to get my attention. I smacked his hand away and before I had realized what I had done, I had slapped him right across the face. That had gotten the attention from everyone within ear shot. He looked genuinely surprised and confused and before he could do anything I pushed past him and ran out the door heading straight for Jax. Once I reached Jax he grabbed my shoulders and asked, "What's going on darling? Are you okay?"

His eyes darted between me and the door where Happy still stood behind. "Please take me out of here, please?" I pleaded with him.

I don't know if I could sound anymore hurt and desperate at that moment. New tears had sprung and I was shocked because I didn't understand the feeling that arose after I had slapped Happy. Jax didn't ask any questions just handed me a helmet and we got on his bike. The other members were looking shocked at the scene that had unfolded in front of them and just as his bike was taking off I could hear Happy yelling at us from the doorway. I wrapped my arms around Jax waist, as I felt the comfort the ride had already started to take on me, I needed this.


End file.
